Sadness

I spent a full day in abject pain yesterday- BUT it was worth it because it was in  response to my pulling together a charity event for 2 small charities. I operate daily thanks to a multitude of meds bit on some days the meds do NOT even bring my pain to within a bearable level. Yesterday was that day. Everything hurt despite the meds – despite taking more than double the usual painkillers …. A night of broken  sleep last night, despite amitriptyline… led to today’s morning….and I felt sad when I woke.

I felt more sad when the electric went and I had to get dressed and go out ( believe me my legs argued against it) …

I felt more sad when I then realised I had to go to my mums to take her food shopping, despite feeling h awful, as this is my job… ( mum’s in a sheltered accommodation for dementia sufferers)…
And I feel bloody awful now as I leave her….. she was in an awful state  – disorientated & dishevelled and wandering the halls….

And its not even midday.

The 10 tablets I’ve taken  for my problems haven’t even touched them and I feel like a complete failure as a daughter…how can I allow this to happen to my mum..

In short- today I feel SAD

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