PMA & PAINKILLERS

The title just about sums up my life over the last few years. 

And before you start to read this, I don’t want sympathy at all!

I’m just having a cup of coffee while trying really hard not to cry… why? Because I’ve crashed…. I look the same as I did a few days ago, but steadily I’ve been feeling weaker and weaker, hands have been trembling a bit more each day and my head is banging…do I have flu? Or as people who know my illness still say ” have you caight a bug? ” 

The answer is NO – this is me and fibromyalgia – it is always here, its just that for an extended period of 2 weeks or So, I used PMA & PAINKILLERS  to ignore what my body was screaming…

You’re tired, you ache, you have headache, you can’t concentrate, You can’t eat properly, you can’t sleep, you get sore if you sit still for too long, you get sore if you stand up for too long, you can’t walk with shoes on as every tiny piece that touches you hurts but you can’t walk in bare feet as you feel like you’re walking on cobblestones, your leg feels like lave is being poured on it, youre sinuses are on fire, you can’t speak properly, you can’t force the right words out and stop mid sentence….

That’s what has been happening, but I masked it with PMA AND PAINKILLERS…But now the paracetamol, amitryptiline, tramadol & patches just ain’t cutting it….

I’ve crashed and I feel bloody awful… not because of the pain and discomfort but because I have things to do- people relying on me..

I wish PMA AND PAINKILLERS Worked on the guilt…..

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